This week has been a rough one for me.
To be honest, I know it has been rough on Steve as well. But he is much better at dealing with emotional issues than I am.
We moved out of the townhouse and in with my parents. Moving was horrible, as usual. But it went smoothly and everything is in tact.
There is still quite a bit of stuff at the old house that we are working on moving out.
We will have it all out by Sunday and be TRULY read to move on.
I can't help but lay in bed at night and wonder. Wonder if we made the right decision? Wonder if we will regret our decision?
Wonder if I was being selfish? But then reality sets in and I tell myself....OF COURSE you did the right thing. No one was happy in that house, it was a toxic environment. It is not a good place for Laila to grow, learn and develop. You did the right thing.
Better things are coming. Better things are coming.
My friend told me that we ARE moving forward, just not in a straight line.
My dad says sometimes things have to get worse before the can get better.
It sure sounds good doesn't it?
I just can't let go yet.
I am angry that it turned out this way.
I am sad that it came down to this. I know Steve is feeling a sense of loss and being displaced. That makes me sad.
It just breaks my heart that the place that Laila was brought home for the first time, the place where Steve proposed to me, the place we spend out first Christmas together.....gone, all gone.
I am angry that it turned out this way.
I am angry at the fact that things could have been taken care of in a timely manner, but weren't.
I am frustrated with lack of a sense of urgency and procrastination.
I am angry at the complete disregard for others well-being and feelings.
It is quite the range of emotions that I am feeling. I am all those things PLUS ecstatic to be out of that house. In a place where Laila has more love than she can deal with. :) I am happy to be able to go get a glass of water or watch tv and not hope I don't see anyone else. It is nice to be in a place that feels like home and feels like love. Not anger and resentment.
It may not be ideal, but it is a step in the right direction.
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2 comments:
My life is so much less than ideal so you are in good company. It sounds like this change is for all the right reasons. Living with your parents is only short term but I'm glad you are happy to be there and out of a bad place. I hope you get everything worked out soon and in your OWN place TOGETHER. We're still renting but it is awesome to be just the three of us :)
Rent or buy...doesn't matter to me! Just to have our own space to be a family. I wanna run around naked like you do, Jen! :)
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